很早以前就聽過人家說:不幸福婚姻有很多種,幸福的婚姻只有一種。                                         


                                            哪一種?是積極的「互敬互愛」或消極的「互相容忍」,這些老生常談嗎?                                       


                                    這些形容顯然都不是那麼強而有力,每種形容也不能放諸四海皆準的來描述那種幸福的理由。                               


                                                                                                                                                     


                                                  最近,我的一位女友提供了一個比較具有說服力的說法。                                                 


                                    她是一位未滿三十歲的美麗女子,在事業上相當有成就,已是某家公關公司的高級主管。                                   


                                        最令人驚訝的是,她結婚已近七年,個性仍然像陽光一般,她從不刻意做公關,                                       


                                                            所以只要有她在,大家都很自在。                                                           


                                                                                                                                                      


                                                       一群女人問她,妳認為幸福婚姻的理由何在?                                                      


                                     她自有見地:「我跟妳們不一樣,我對婚姻要求不高,我找的男人,對我也要求不高所                                    


                                                           以到現在,我還能說,結婚真好!」                                                          


                                                                                                                                                      


                                                                                                                                                     


                                                     她的一番話,使我恍然大悟: 幸福婚姻的理由,                                                      


                                                               難道不是「要求不高」嗎?                                                              


                                                                                                                                                      


 從前的夫妻,容易天長地久,其中歡歡喜喜到白頭的當然與社會風氣淳樸有關,但與「要求不高」更有關。女人嫁出去像抽獎,抽中了一個還實用的便得感激,虔誠做牽


                                               手,「遇上了就是了」--我祖母常常這麼這麼形容她的婚姻。                                               


                                                                                                                                                     


                                        她那一代的女人,對男人要求確實不高,不嫖不賭、拿錢養家,就是大好男人;                                        


                                   那一代的男人,對牽手的要求,何嘗不也是媒人說品貌端莊就是了,能煮菜養兒育女就好。                                  


                                          (雖然,整體說來,過去的男人對的要求,還是比女人對男人的要求高)。                                         


                                                                                                                                                      


                                                現在的女人,知識水準及經濟能力日漸提昇,怎能要求不高?                                                


                                                 沒有一個女人會再認為,不嫖不賭、拿錢養家就是好丈夫。                                                


                                        女人對身高、面貌、職業、品味、個性、藝術素養、家庭狀況、財產、金錢觀,                                       


                                                                                                                                                      


                                                                                                                                                      


                                                乃至男人所開的車的品牌,以及他會不會洗碗,要求都很高。                                               


                                                                                                                                                      


                                   雖然幸福是因為「要求不高」,但我們並不能要現代女子開倒車,隨隨便便把自己送出門。                                  


                                      女人已與時代一起進步,即使我們可以開玩笑說,隨便啦,沒關係,是男的就可以,                                      


                                                     但事實上,各種條件早已預先輸進自己的腦海裡。                                                    


                                                                                                                                                      


                                                   一個「值得」愛的人,不可能和我們的要求相距太遠,                                                  


                                                                                                                                                      


                                                                                                                                                     


                                                  但愛上他之後,是不是可以不要要求太多,讓愛喘口氣?                                                 


                                                 從這個觀點來說,「幸福婚姻是因為要求不高」才有意義。                                                


                                                                                                                                                      


                                                         而「要求不高」應該是男女雙方相對的。                                                        


                                   我的女友形容她的幸福婚姻:「他從不要求我做任何家事,不要求我生孩子,除非我願意;                                  


                                         但我也從不要求他要變成一個有趣的男人,要多體貼,他是老老實實好男人,                                        


                                                      但這樣的人多半無趣,這是必須忍受的事實。」                                                     


                                                                                                                                                     


                                                  正如一匹馬兒能跑,但你不能要求牠同時得游泳或飛翔。                                                 


                                            是的,你也不能要求一隻狗像貓一樣安安靜靜,不能要求一隻貓看門。                                           


                                       每種動物各有牠的特性,每個人也是--我們為什麼要對身邊的愛人要求這麼多?                                      


                                                                                                                                                     


                                         被要求的人,常得削足適履,他痛苦,你也不好受, 被要求的人也常會反擊                                         


                                                                                                                                                      


                                                                                                                                                     


                                                              ,製造兩人世界的緊張空氣。                                                              


                                                                      

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